| (no subject) |
[Dec. 4th, 2007|06:34 pm] |
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Life's weird. Doors open and close, but we never have time to figure out things. It's cool to analyze things in my life. Helps me grow as a person. I'm painting my room red and purple. I'm excited. My life is up and up. But we all have our days when we're confused and distraught. But in my days of disdain i want dramatic change. I know as A woman there is a need for exercise. But i haven't gone in months. How are we these days? I've painted alot as of recent, i need more. I take polaroids to feed off for ideas. Funny thing we all have our own glitches in our personality. In a way mine is a fear of rejection which spills over to my daily life. Just infecting people from a glance. But i'm getting so much better. Glad |
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| (no subject) |
[Oct. 9th, 2007|11:36 am] |
I'd like to. I want to. But I probably wont. And it bothers me. I want more from this. But I keep holding back,
I need to do it.
I'm moving to queen anne. It's a nice area, close enough. Perfect even. I get to paint the walls don't have to cover it back up. I'm happy. I went to the gym after a long time of not going.
I'm maintaining a good dosage of my perscriptions. I'm in a muddle at the moment. Access to a computer makes me more melincholy. The internet I think is my enemy. Curiosity of how old friends are doing pops up, I never usually am curious unless I'm on the internet. This thing is no good for me. But this journal isn't to bad.
I'm having an art show in November, I need to complete atleast 5 to 6 paintings for it. I'm happy. I need to say it cause I am. Complacent and happy. Long time since i could say it and mean it. It's nice. |
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| I have a passion |
[Sep. 19th, 2007|02:02 am] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | seattle room | ] |
| [ | mood |
| |  complacent | ] |
| [ | music |
| | belly noises snores | ] |
I really like painting and occasionally going out dancing with positive friends. I'm trying to diet and failing. I have a gym membership and haven't gone for a week. I had time off from work to sort myself out. I'm feeling a lot better now but I still have alot more to work on. I've had issues interacting with people on a regular basis outside of work. I'm moving out of my house in a month and a week, not sure where i'm going to end up. I use to start projects and never complete them, now they have some progress. or finished. i think i'm in the state of complacency. it's 2 in the morning and i ramble by now. the sequel to suicide club is dark, but it's the sequel to suicide club so that's probably evident |
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| CRAZY |
[Aug. 6th, 2007|11:33 am] |
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When you see someone that mourns their brother or their son it's a different story than any other. I couldn't fathum loosing either one of my brothers. My cousins lost their brother. I lost a cousin. he was doing something he loved to do everyday. |
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| I exist |
[Jul. 26th, 2007|05:17 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  melancholy | ] |
the internet isn't right at my grasp. but i am here.
I'm fried. life is different but not bad. we all get our ups and downs but im happy to know i need nothing to exist. These livejournal things are silly but mine still exists. i'd like to keep in touch with long lost friends. its weird to know we just dont talk anymore. its strange we all get wrapped up in everything. a little touch base once in a while is always nice. im tired. work is easy. not to bad. im getting more and more use to it. funny. rambling.
no one reads these unless they're interested in you. not alot of people are interested anymore. but again it's all good. I enjoy who i am and my friends that have stuck around through all the rough spots./ |
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| Random |
[May. 10th, 2007|01:46 pm] |
Life. It's so random. I love it. Sometimes in a state of weakness i'll slip up but i know in the long run i'm gonna try to take care of myself to the best of my ability.
I don't want to go back to the high school attitude of knowing who i am and treating people crappy because i think i know everything. I want to learn. I want to create things but i have projects unfinished that i'm not to happy with to start.
Where is that happy middle ground in life when there is no low and the high is close by?
I think i'm almost there cause i don't care what comes and what goes in the now. I know I'm thinking about going to school in concordia montreal. It might be the best idea i've had in a long time.
It's weird to even post on this thing. Analysis. Comtemplation. It's kind of an interesting tool.
daft punk at the end of this month or next month and i bought my ticket. kind of stoked. |
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| (no subject) |
[May. 7th, 2007|10:46 pm] |
I'm totally stoked on life right now. That sums it up in one sentence. I need to finish projects. my life is good. i'm happy. I wish i could ride my bike everyday. or a better one. it's weird finding out things about situations that you didn't know originally. I don't feel bad about anything that happened but it would of been cool to know the original story in the beginning.
POOP ON THAT. I've had alot of problems physically though. I might have some fatal illness |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 23rd, 2006|09:55 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  excited | ] |
| [ | music |
| | crap from the end of a movie | ] |
So uhh i'm actually really good surprisingly. But than there's always those random thoughts that pop up in my mind. But we're all happy and all good. I just recently today!! figured out how to make amazingly cute pointy hats!!! Originals by Mary!!!! And I'm really excited cause i can't find anything that cute anywhere. SO yeah, and also i'm getting the idea of how to make dolls also!!! very excited about that. By this time next year i'm gonna be playing with some prosthetics and design when it comes to cinema make-up design and also animatronix design. LORD WILLING!!! This is something i really really want. Also, there is going to be Henson Workshops in the area where i'm going to be living. SO I CAN DO APPRENTICESHIP!!!! AAAAAAAAAAAAAH this is my joy showing.
So by today next year i'm going to be giddy with joy, knowing i'm living the rockin dream. ALSO!!! I need to start working on doing sculptures. molds. different things that can give me the knack of working on the puppet design and animatronix. Things that gotsta to get done. I love it. I love it so much. |
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| (no subject) |
[May. 13th, 2006|02:16 pm] |
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So im in quite a weird situation i must say. Im going to have to move or just find the right way of handling this. I've been one way for like 2 yrs and i dont really want it to change but it's going to. It's not exactly gonna change for the better either. I'm gonna grow up move out and get my life going. so scary and so freaky. so my stomach and my mouth and my throat and my eyes seem to be all connected. Cause they all feel the same ache like im gonna cry. And i hate it. Where is this pain coming from? i have no clue. but i think i might have a panic attach due to it. Cause i dont want to cry. |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 26th, 2006|01:59 am] |
| [ | Current Location |
| | dining room | ] |
| [ | mood |
| |  weird | ] |
| [ | music |
| | void | ] |
I'm really tired and i feel like i failed at something. I can just step back from the picture and just hopefully it will all blow over. Who are we anymore? I dont know. I road my bike for hours today and it was so awesome. I want to do it more often. Working. its taking over. No free time hardly ev er. Who?
wow. deep. you know like LIFE you know? blah. i dont know, i really dont. I just dont want to be emotionally stuck. Like dead. I dont feel dead now, so why should it stay as a dead sense. Why do i ramble about nothing i have to work at 12 tomorrow. Is this a twisted game being played on me? is there some sort of surprise we were just kidding. |
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| hey |
[Apr. 10th, 2006|01:42 am] |
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somebody scream!!! Sometimes i'm so happy and laugh and laugh and laugh and i just cant handle myself. and than....something crawls from the abyss something unmeantionably monstrous and frightening...unfathumable to man. in description can only be described as slimy and can be said to resemble a octopus. but with MAN LEGOOOOOOOS!!! I'm so tired. when's my next revelation? can you see it now? get back to me on that. heyooooooooooooooooooooooo we are laughing. can i be ....just be. i enjoy it. i want to draw more I WANT TO DRAW MORE I WANT TO PAINT MORE ....give it to me |
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| (no subject) |
[Apr. 6th, 2006|10:49 am] |
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I got a bouqet of stars that were plucked out of the sky for me. AWESOME!!! Where am i? I think someone messed with this thing while i didnt use it. |
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| (no subject) |
[Dec. 4th, 2005|10:34 pm] |
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i work to much. Anybody out there? umm, im livin' i dont know what to say about things. things are sceptical. im going to california in a week. im tired. I dont have to work majority of this week. its weird. free time. and what to do with it. avoid getting on the computer for sure. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 7th, 2005|10:35 pm] |
Most depressing week i've ever experienced in my life ever. IT WAS AMAZING. Jealousy. Coveting. I just want to run for a really long time but i dont want anyone one to see me. a huge field of grass that isnt to long or wet ...and me not twisting my ankle when i first start off....cause sometimes you start a little to ahead of yourself.
I miss him, i feel so .....attached now. Since i just talked to him...i just want to be with him. I'm so glad life is still going and that i will get over this relationship and get on with my life. I'm so glad i'm gonna get in a busy business thats gonna consume me with happiness and fofillment. Yeah, im glad. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jul. 4th, 2005|09:37 pm] |
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Yeah, it's weird. I umm...I dont know. It's just this distilled state inside of you, you can't even rench out...or vent out. It's strange, and having everyone in the world being in their own state of reality. they wont hear....and if they hear they wont listen and register. People. We're interesting creations. Baffling and full of obstacles. I'm going job hunting again.....tomorrow, im gonna make some more clothes and some bracelets...for an outlet. I need to promise myself not to write any weird accentric letters to my friends. -night- |
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 28th, 2005|12:24 am] |
| [ | mood |
| |  scared | ] |
My dads getting all his top teeth pulled out one by one tomorrow and i can't sleep thinking about it. Laying in my bed and praying that it's all going to be alright and he wont have to suffer. I dont even think i'm gonna be able to fathum having children and knowing they'll suffer, none the less my own father. insanity. i meantion this on behalf of me being unable to sleep with this in my mind and hoping it would be an outlet that i could get some sleep before having to get up early and go with him for the support. i have a headache in my left eye ball. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 26th, 2005|10:15 pm] |
| [ | mood |
| |  contemplative | ] |
I might get a job hopefully with ness. I'm really out of it and i feel weird. Yeah, so obviously my biggest problem in life is thinking about this one thing that i just obsess about so much that i start dreaming in sink to it. I just want to go to school. I dont know if i'll go back to the school i previously was at or if im gonna just, wait a year and go to another school. I need goals. i need to set them. i need to work from my brain and not my emotions. the curse of being a woman. |
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 15th, 2005|04:13 pm] |
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I went to see batman begins. best movie ever./ |
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| (no subject) |
[Jun. 8th, 2005|10:35 pm] |
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Yeah, i failed twice. pretty freaking amazing. I attempting it again tomorrow. ....which hopefully....i wont fail again. So, i might get a job....hopefully it works out. I miss hanging out with all the dorky kids from high school...we've all kind of grown up. It's grosse. |
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